End of Autumn Update

December 8, 2009

Every Autumn, I used to wish for Spring to come fast. As soon as winter hit (which it hasn't officially done yet, but damn its cold) I would start doing the “come on Springtime!” chant.

Not any more. I realize that next Spring I will be 42. That means the 40's are only going to get stronger and the numbers will climb higher even faster. At least, that's what I'm told by folks far, far older than I. Folks who are well into their fifties even!

Two very good friends of mine are about to turn 30. I can't help but be excited for them both. When I turned 30 it seemed like my whole world opened up wide and life became a fun, exciting, challenging, rewarding, fulfilling experience instead of a fight.

Sometime in my late twenties, someone looked at me and said, “Steven, it looks as if you'll be dragged through life kicking and screaming.”

I'm no longer friends with that asshole.

There are so many things that I know now that make life easier. For instance, I know I have good friends and a supportive, loving family. There are friends out there who I haven't met yet, and others who's friendship is only beginning.

Other life lessons that come in handy include knowing that what other people think is not only impossible, but largely impractical. Even if I could read minds, what good would that do anyone?

Then there are the simple things that make living easier. I know I will never cut coupons – they're a waste of time. I know that I'll probably always be a Verizon® customer no matter how much I bitch and whine about them and I know I like La Yogurt®.

And on reflection, and after re-reading this post, I know I'm not the least bit deep.

WHEW!

A Week After Ordering Voice & Internet Services from Verizon...

Here is how it played out with a Verizon representative online when I noticed my service installation date was 10/01/10 instead of 10/01/2009:

Verizon: I am happy to assist you with your order today. How may I be of service?

Steven Slater: Hi, I noticed my due date is 10/01/2010. I was hoping for service this year.

Verizon: Yes, that is correct. Please make sure someone is home for the technician to complete the order.

Steven Slater: The due date is next year. Get me? 2010 is next year. This is 2009. Understand?

Verizon: Yes, that is correct. Are you interested in upgrading your service?

Steven Slater: I haven't been connected yet! I don't have service!

Verizon: Please make sure someone is home to allow the technician access to your inside wiring.

Steven Slater: that's fine, but I want service THIS YEAR in 2009. Please look again at the due date. The due date is NEXT YEAR 10/01/2010

Verizon: I see the Verizon technician wasn't able to complete the order on the due date given to you. You will be charged a service fee for connection because it must be rescheduled.

Steven Slater: What? The due date is not until NEXT-EFFING-YEAR. Even if the due date was today, as it should be, I have been home and conscious all morning. No one rang my bell!

Verizon: Would you like to upgrade your service today?

Steven Slater: Am I chatting with a human being or is this HAL?

Verizon: I don't understand your question. Your business is important to us. Would you like to hear about our package deals?

Steven Slater: That's it! Cancel my order! Leave me alone! Forget I exist!

Verizon: I'm sorry, I can't do that. Would you like to hear about or convenient billing options for your past due account?

Steven Slater: WTF #@%* are you talking about PAST DUE ACCOUNT?!? You haven't installed anything! I don't have any Verizon services! Get me a supervisor or at least a human being!

Verizon: I'm sorry, I can't do that. Would you like to hear about Verizon FiOS?

Apartment Life

Here it is folks, the update you've all been waiting for.

All 3 readers of my blog here should be thrilled beyond reason.

Did a little shiver just run up your leg, Chris Matthews style?

Hope so.

My apartment is fantastic. Small, but fantastic. I have a bedroom - something amazing in a Manhattan apartment in my price range. I have a kitchen, in which 2 people can stand if they don't move around too much. I have a living room with seating for 3 or 4 people. And I have a bathroom with hot & cold running water and a toilet that flushes.

I have no closets so I never have to come out. Nor can I hang clothes, which is a bigger issue.

I have an address, and a mailbox that so far is filled weekly with 2 magazine subscriptions and bills. Not bills as in "no bills no thrills" but gas, electric and phone bills. They have my real name on them, too!

One day, perhaps soon, I'll post a picture or two of the evolution of my place. I am stating in public that I intend to paint my walls and hang pictures.

Hold me to it.

Truth Comes Out In Jest & Other Clichés

Truth comes out in Jest. Its always darkest before the dawn. God only gives you what you can handle. There's someone out there for everyone. Gay men love Cher.

There is a slice of truth in each of those "you know what 'they' say" phrases. A cliché becomes a cliché usually because more than one person makes the same observation and thus we coin a phrase.

Truth comes out in jest:
Today I sent an email to my brother that contained a very sarcastic (if not funny) discription of an aquaintence of mine. When I read the email I sent to Todd, my brother, I realized how I really see this aquaintence. Good thing too, because this aquaintence of mine might become a very significant person in my life in the near future.

its always darkest before the dawn:
I am living so precariously these days that any other 40 year old adult would shiver, laugh or look down his nose at me. If success is defined by money, property, position, health, looks or anything else material then I am a failure.

Define success as having a good day, however and I'm sittin' pretty.